RIP Kansas

Kansas was the most loyal, gentle, loving cat I have ever known. He was a beloved member of our family for 15 years. My son is autistic. Kansas was his best friend. Ever. Period. From ages 3 -18 of my son's life, Kansas was more than a cat. He was my son's primary source of comfort during struggles. He was my son's emotional refuge. And, now, our furry purry love has died.

This is my favorite picture of the 2 of them. My son was 9. Kansas was 6.

Quickly

I have a lot of stuff waiting for the blog, but it's gonna be well into next week before I can get anything meaty posted. I'm working A LOT of extra shifts at work. And, they keep calling me in on my days off, too. I'm tired. I'm stupid tired. And, this is going to continue for at least 7 more days before I get a break.

Good things:
1. My sewing machine came in.  BUT, I haven't been able to fully unbox her and try her out and see if she's in good shape or anything. See above about getting called in on my days off. Hopefully, she's fine. I'll find out as soon as I can. But, see above about extra shifts.

2. I did get having May 20 off from work approved. Hopefully, there's still a slot open in the printmaking workshop at the museum. I'm going to go register tomorrow on my way to work. 

3. My son's cap and gown rental for graduation came in. Here's hoping he doesn't screw everything up between now and end of term. It's been a HARD road getting him to graduation. Please, please, please just let him graduate and put high school in his rear view mirror. 

4. I need to start working on making the girls' bat mitzvah gifts. I'm making them Hamilton gift boxes of stuff. I'm bummed that I can go to Louisiana for the b'nai mitzvah, but it's the week before my son's graduation, and I couldn't take off all those days for both. So, I will send a huge bounty of gifts! 

More later. I'm tired. I'm sore. I have iced coffee, and it's time for a hot bath.

Simple

I'm sitting here after work eating post Easter clearanced chocolate covered marshmallow eggs, drinking a big glass of icy cold RC Cola, sorting yarn for my next crochet project, and binge watching Girlboss on Netflix. This is most certainly NOT a glamourous Saturday night, but hell if I care. I'm content.

Quick list o'stuff:

1. Please, I'm gonna need for customers to get over being racist asses before shopping at my store. Take that hateful nonsense to Piggly Wiggly.

2. I still don't know if I can get the day off for the printmaking workshop at the museum in May. Ponytail came to me this afternoon and explained that Dramabitch had already taken that day off. Normally, I'd be scheduled to cover for her for the shift of alternate position. However, Hair is also trained for alternate position. So, Ponytail is trying to see if produce can spare Hair for that day so I can have the day off, too. I really appreciate that Ponytail is trying. She could've just denied the time off request. The fact that she's making an effort to work it out so I can take an art class really touches my heart. I didn't know she could be this thoughtful. I'm pleasantly surprised. But, my hopes are not high for being able to take that class.

3. Y'all! The Aliso Summit Fairy Trail is so charming! via Atlas Obscura

4. Found THIS on etsy. It cracks me up to no end! Yesssss!!!

5. Volume up for singing Norwegian sailors . Goosebumps, y'all! via The Chive

6. Do you enjoy multilingual grammatical geekery? I enjoy multilingual grammatical geekery immensely. This is one of my favorite wikipedia pages . 

7. IDs I have law-abidingly accepted while carding for alcohol purchases: US drivers' licenses from a wide variety of states, a state government issued ID (non-driver), US military IDs, Quebec drivers' licenses, Mexican passports, US passports, a Columbian passport, an Ontario driver's license, a Ukrainian driver's license. Oddly enough, I'm having fun collecting this list. The more bizarrely far-reaching it becomes, the more satisfied I am.

8. This is what I usually stream while trying to fall asleep at night. It's comforting background noise. It's my all time favorite documentary. Of course, the Andy McCluskey and Paul Humphreys parts are the best bits! 




9. Click to smile. It pleases me that someone thought this up and went to the trouble to make the gif. So cute! 

10. A History of Ireland in 100 Great Quotes via Irish Times

There Were Thursday Thrills

I'm writing this up and getting the pics up real quick before heading to work so this won't be a hefty post. But, it's a happy one! Yesterday (Thursday) was quite lovely! The best part was all of the things I got done and enjoyed without anxiety getting in the way too much. I was in charge of myself yesterday, and it was exhilarating! After getting necessary evils conquered yesterday morning, the rest of the day was the best day I've had in a long time. Cheap Indian food and a good book for lunch? Yes, please! Coffee and silliness with Pilot? Yes, please! ART AFTER HOURS AT WIREGRASS MUSEUM OF ART? OH, HELL, YES, PLEASE AND THANK YOU!!! 

Three things about yesterday were beautiful, soul-nourishing surprises: 
1. I did not feel lonely and an outsider much of yesterday. I can't remember the last time I felt warm and truly welcome. 
2. I was so damn brave yesterday. I was downright bold. I did things yesterday that I've been shying away from for quite a while. I don't know what got into me, but I liked it! It reminded me of the power that pulses through me after an improv class or after I've triaged and worked an accident scene. I did not flinch yesterday. 
3. For a little bitty while last night at the museum, I was me. Joy, Joan, and Rita, are y'all reading this? Remember the camera days in Chicago last September? It was an intoxicating hint of that. For an hour or so, I was alive. I didn't know..... I didn't know that hadn't been beaten out of me. I didn't know I could still tap into that. 

OK, let me get the pics up before I head out to work.

Pilot and me

If you see this, either decide to join in or run away because coffee fueled mischief is afoot!

ART AFTER HOURS

WIREGRASS MUSEUM OF ART

About 30min before I left, I did have to talk to myself into it. I was getting ready and was so frustrated because no amount of primping is every gonna make me anything but fat and ugly. And, I was dreading that 2 people I expected to be there weren't going to be so I thought I'd be by myself in the crowd. And, sometimes that's a panic attack trigger, and I'd just assume avoid having a panic attack, thank you. *shudder* But, I knew it was the museum which is always a safe place. And, the theme of the new exhibits is printmaking which is an art form I have long been curious about. And, I have never regretted going to an Art After Hours and have even had a fabulous time before. So, I knew if I could just make myself go, I'd be ok once I got there. But, I was in a pissy mood the whole drive. Ah! But, when I got there! The first people I saw were a dear couple from temple! What a nice surprise! First words out of K's mouth? "I love your hair!" Y'all, I NEEDED that. Shallow and pathetic? Yeah. I don't care. I needed it. Then, I turned to the entrance table and started to reach into my purse to get my membership card out of my wallet. But, before I could even wrap my fingers around my wallet, the director greeted me by name! She was smiling and welcomed me by name. And, all of the knots in my stomach loosened. And, I took a deep, belly breath and set to having an adventure!

The current exhibits are From Here To There: Printmaking In Alabama. The artists included are Amy LeePard, Scott Stephens, Sarah Marshall, Derek Cracco, and Andrew Kozlowski. (I want to go back when it's not crowded and pull on the white gloves and handle Amy LeePard's bookmaking pieces and really take the time to study them.) The new photography exhibit is in the Blumberg gallery. It's documentingBlues by Jenn Ocken. I was excited to see that exhibit, but then I saw that it was entirely Memphis based. Oh, God, y'all, I miss Memphis so bad. I walked through and appreciated the pictures, but it was tugging at my heart. And, I didn't want to feel those feelings. I kept thinking about my people at Temple Israel and about Opera Memphis and taking Shirly shopping at the Asian markets and, and, and. I appreciated the power of the photographs, but I didn't dwell in there. I wanted to protect my headspace. Also, I was put off by photography not being allowed in the exhibit. 

By the way, the contrast between the warmth, engagement, and openness of Bill Steber and his exhibit vs. last night's was striking. There was no magic in the Blumberg gallery last night. The photographs were good, but the atmosphere wasn't.

The BEST part of Art After Hours last night?!!??!!  HELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO, ART PLAY TABLE!!!!  "Do you want to try making a monotype print?" Ummm, YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES. More like, I had to force myself to step away from the table and not just stay right there all night using up all the supplies! I had so much fun being completely inept at a new way of making as I created pretty, sparkling blobs. It was pure play. Colors and movement and the best kind of mess making. People asking questions and laughing. Sharing and smiling. The most encouraging part? The table stayed BUSY. People were engaged! So many folks getting their hands dirty! Men and women of all ages. Seeing that unfold was a hopeful and joyous thing to witness. Y'all, I was so happy. I went to look at art, and I came home with paint on my hands. That, my darlings, is bliss. 

I didn't take as many pictures last night as I have in the past. I was too busy being part of things to hide behind my camera! I was seeing with my eyes and not my lens! Also, I didn't always use my camera, and, as usual, my phone's camera let me down on several snaps. Oh, well! 

Yes, the gap in the bottom right made me twitch. LOL

No, I wasn't creepy. She gave me permission to take this photo.

Me being happy!

I've put in a scheduling request at work to have the day of May 20 off with availability to work the closing shift that night. There's a Sarah Marshall printmaking workshop at the museum all day that I desperately want to take. The problem is that my son's graduation is the next week, and I've already got 4 days off on the books for that. So, I don't know if I can get another scheduling variance approved in such close time to that. But if it goes through, next payday I'm going to sign up. It's only $30 for members. Well worth it! I just ordered my sewing machine and bought groceries, And, the truck's gas tank is almost empty. So, I am ruined for money until next week. Hopefully, I won't be too late to get a slot! Just waiting on that square on my work schedule calendar to go from yellow to green, hopefully!

Chocked Full

It's a good thing I have today (Thursday) off work because it's 3:29am, and I'm laying here awake in the dark with my earbuds in listening to OMD songs. Today holds the promise of what will hopefully prove to be great fun and maybe even a wee hint of adventure. Along with a long to-do list for my day off, I'm supposed to meet Pilot for coffee this afternoon if she feels up to it (yes, she's still sick, the poor dear). And, then tonight is Art After Hours at the Wiregrass Museum of Art which I am wildly excited about! I can't wait! Expect a bunch of pictures on Friday, of course!

I finally saved up $122 to order a sewing machine. This is a much needed, practical replacement, and I feel no guilt about spending money on this necessary tool. I hope everything's in working order when it arrives next week. It has some features that are going to be pure luxury! Drop in top loading bobbin! One step buttonholing! Stretch stitches! I am sooooo looking forward to tackling my list of sewing projects.

It's going to cost $211+parts tax to get the hand-me-down clarinet Beth gave me for my birthday refurbished. That's the next indulgence I'm saving for. Hopefully, this summer!

Before I start this story, let me begin by assuring y'all that NOTHING HAPPENED. This did not become a dire situation. It didn't become a situation at all, thank God! This is a nothing story. But, as a testimony to how problematic my country is right now, a peculiar set of circumstances presented themselves while I was at work on Wednesday. And, I had to rapidly think through things and make decisions that I couldn't have imagined being part of my reality not so long ago. There were two slimy men in the store wearing embroidered shirts showing symbols and words that indicated their political positions in no uncertain terms. Indications were they were alt-right assholes. I had a Muslim customer and her adorable little girl. The customer was covered almost as much as by a niqab except her whole face showed instead of just her eyes. She was far more covered than just being in hijab. (I think it's called a jilbab? Maybe?) The two men were finishing up and leaving just as she was coming to check out. At the end of her transaction, I offered to walk out into the parking lot with her (like we always do at my store), but she declined. It raced through my head that those men had stared at her and could still be in the parking lot as she headed out with her little girl. I didn't want them to talk shit and frighten her little girl or worse. But, of course, I wasn't going to say the words out loud, "Hey, no, let me walk out with you, please, because 2 hatemongering creeps just spotted you." That would've been incredibly uncalled for. Besides, I was 99.999999% certain nothing was gonna happen. But, that remaining minuscule possibility tugged at my conscience. She and her daughter walked over to the Redbox to get a movie which I thought was a convenient delay giving the men more time to drive away outside. LoudOne had walked up and was standing by the door watching the front end. I stood still for a couple of heartbeats and asked myself, "Why do I feel this way? I have goosebumps. My conscience is nagging at me. This is an instincts thing. OK, God, I get it. You just tapped me on the shoulder and put me in the game, eh? OK. So, how do I see to this weirdness discretely? Hmmmm...." I wasn't really worried. I was just......... twitchy. (It felt like when that man with Third Reich and white supremacist tattoos on his legs was in the McDonalds the other day, and one of the women I know who works there and I closed ranks around a young, petite black teen girl employee who was taking his tray to him in the dining area. We intercepted her, steered her to be behind us, handed off the tray to another woman employee to take to the table, and stood between the tiny black young lady and the piece of shit Nazi wannabe.) Anyway, I walked up quite close to LoudOne and went sotto voce, "I need you to help me help someone, please." She said, "OK, what?" I asked her if she'd seen the men. She hadn't. I told her about them. I nodded toward my customer and her child. I said, "Do me a favor, please? When they start to leave, I'm stepping away from the registers to go outside to get carts. I want to have eyes on them in case those men haven't left the parking lot." LoudOne's eyes bugged out, and she was all, "Well, YEAH. YES." I told her that I was almost completely certain nothing was going to happen, that this wasn't at all a thing. But, at the same time, I had goosebumps on my arms and felt a moral obligation to not turn a blind eye. She totally got that and fully agreed. I hovered up front, bagged 2 small transactions, and kept glancing around for a couple of minutes. When it looked like the woman had finished swiping her card and the little girl was waiting for the Redbox to spit out the DVD, I walked past LoudOne and said, "Hey, I'm going to get carts," and winked. She called back, "OK!" I headed outside and did a quick visual sweep of the parking lot (all these many years later, I still have 2 things firmly ingrained in me - 1. Assess the scene. 2. I put my gloves on as I approach the scene. lol No gloves in today's equation, but I was all kinds of observe-y. I should probably email Joe and tell him he and the guys did a damn good job of training me. lol). I didn't see the men. I walked about halfway out into the parking lot and set to gathering buggies as my cover. The woman and her daughter came out, and I watched them go their vehicle and start loading in bags. I gathered the buggies while discretely keeping watch over them until they drove away. And, I was so glad nothing had happened, especially after 2 women customers got into a loud, screaming fight behind my kiosk last night (and the things they were yelling at each other were racial in nature). Drama-free shifts, please!  Please?! When I got back inside, I thought, "What would I have done if something had happened?" I decided I would've called 911, gotten quick phone video as I ran toward them so the men could be identified, and grabbed up the small child and wrapped myself around her and sheltered her while screaming my head off for more help to come. Worst case scenario, I'd've sent the child running inside and then jumped in full teeth and claws. I'm fine with dying an honorable death. I am disgusted that the United States has deteriorated to the point that I even have call to think about protecting a Muslim woman customer. But, look at the security concerns synagogues are dealing with right now. Even here, my little temple has a cop on site during High Holy Days.  Look at how many patrols the sheriff's deputies make each night around the mosque out in Kinsey. Look at the litany of hate crime news stories week after week. Even Amy's husband is talking about maybe they should close down their local businesses and leave because he's worried about her safety at the shop (she's a hijabi). I am ashamed of my country. 

Oh, speaking of Art After Hours! A really amazing thing happened last year at the museum. I got to meet Bill Steber while he was in town!!! He is so cool! I LOVE his work! He is taking the photos I wish I could but will never achieve in 1,000 years. We talked about photography and Delta blues. (I used to live on Highway 61.) And, he and I see with our cameras in remarkably similar ways. He even hugged me goodbye! He gave me his business card and told me to stay in touch. He said he's interested in my photography. I still have his card in my wallet, but I haven't acted on it, yet. I don't know if I will. I'm tempted. I really am. 

Bill Steber and me, 2016

Yup, I just checked. His card is still tucked into a pocket in my wallet. It's an odd little jumble of people I have collected in that pile. The clarinet repairman, an FBI agent, Isti's card from Temple Israel back in Memphis, Bill Steber, my local tattoo artist, AirEvac (rural medevac helicopter staff) from back in Arkansas, the local hospice social worker from when my dad died. So many stories. I threw out the cards from my Chicago people last fall because I didn't want to feel those feelings every time I opened that part of my wallet.

Well, I guess I'll end this nonsense rambling and try to at least get a bit of a nap before sunrise. Here. I'll close with music. Grab your earbuds/headphones. Turn the volume up as high as you can comfortably stand. All the better if you're in a dark room in the nighttime, but, at the least, close your eyes and cover them with your hands to block out visual stimuli. Now, go into these songs. Immerse. Some songs are just better in the darkness.

And, of course, some photographs.

Happy Things

As I've been clicking through my old folders of photographs the past few days to decide on pieces of my work to show on this blog, I've stumbled across some happy memories. Thought I'd post some. I'm smiling with such deep contentment as I think of these.

This was taken at Cooper Young Fest in Memphis in 2014. It was one of two 30 Days of Opera events I made it down to the city for that year. This was one of the pop up operas. The other was Death By Aria. That was such a nice, relaxed, happy afternoon of hanging out with Opera Memphis folks. Just plain delight.

This was taken in 2011. Colin Mochrie and me. Oh, my heart!!! He and his wife Deb are two of my very most favorite people. I love them with all my might. Colin is a HUGE percentage of why I'm so into improv. If drag queens have drag mothers, I guess Colin is my improv father? Bonus prize: he gives the Best. Hugs. Ever. The most absolutely snuggly perfect hugs in the universe! 

(It's hard to think about the fact that Deb is one of the people I let down the most last September. She believed in me, and I blew it. I haven't talked with her in months. I'm scared to. I don't know if she's even willing to talk with me. She was so upset.)

Taken at Temple Israel in Memphis in 2013. Micah Greenstein, me, and Gilad Kariv. Kariv was in the US to speak at the URJ Biennial. He stopped briefly in Memphis to speak at temple before flying back to Israel. I drove down to attend, and it ended up being one of the best nights of my entire life. It was an incredible experience. Pure joy. Someday, I'll tell y'all that story. It is a good, good story. I was who I am supposed to be that night. I was so alive that night. 

June 2013, the first time I ever set foot at Second City, the destination at the end of a very peculiar, decades long journey

The most lovable, motley crew you could ever hope to chase ghosts out of a basement with, ride a train full of taxidermy across Australia with, or do invisible surgery with!!! And, what's a little cannibalism among improv partners? Stacey, I'll always save you from volcanoes. Scott, stop sniffing cocaine off of a hooker's inner thigh. Kevin, I'll trade back rubs and hugs with you any day. I think of you every time I hear the song Valerie. Mel, I still don't know what was on the ceiling, but I think we've finally destroyed the last of the reanimated dinosaur skeletons. Charee, thank you for helping me become comfortable with making checking-in eye contact. You're the only person allowed to stick her tongue out at me before a scene. And, Micah P., thank you for quietly protecting me while loudly forcing me to be brave. Making you laugh is still the biggest reward and the hardest to earn. "I need 5 up." "That was awesome. Now sit the fuck down!" There have been others before and since, but y'all remain the dearest! p.s. There's another raccoon!

Tuesday Tidbits

Since last night's post was rather long and heavy, this is going to be a quicker, lighter bit of fluff. 

WORTH CLICKING

1. Look @ this man's calling in life! This is wonderful!  A Jordan Bookseller’s 24-Hour ‘Emergency Room for the Mind’ via Atlas Obscura

2. In 1983, the British band Fun Boy Three covered the classic 1981 The Go-Go's song Our Lips Are Sealed. I strongly prefer their take on the song over the original. It's quite beautiful. The percussion! 



3. MELISSA HOTMAN! MELISSA HOTMAN! MELISSA HOTMAN!  Kicking ass in the Minnesota House! She is FABULOUS!!! Watch her step up and be bold! I. Love. This. So. Hard.
Melissa Hotman's Bold Move in the MN House

4. An interview with Saffiyah Khan about that amazing photograph. 

5. Post-Punk and New Wave Rock Stars Reimagined as DC Comics Supervillains via Laughing Squid

6. I highly recommend taking some time to listen and explore Cities and Memory's Sacred Spaces project .

7. Turkeys Away: An Oral History - about one of the all time greatest moments in television comedy 

I guess I'll close with more of my photographs.